


79 Years

by florencedrunk



Series: The March 2017 Stucky Challenge [29]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Canon Compliant, M/M, Missing Moments, bed sharing, let's all pretend the whole Sharon Carter thing didn't happen, slices of life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 16:48:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10495260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/florencedrunk/pseuds/florencedrunk
Summary: And then, he thinks that this would be the perfect opportunity to say the thing he's been keeping a secret for so long. If he said it right now, Bucky wouldn't even hear him, and he would at least get to see how the words felt in his mouth. But what if he liked the taste of them?Or, five times Steve doesn't tell Bucky he loves him, and the one time he finally does.365. words unspoken





	

#### 1\. Brooklyn, 1938

Steve has a fever, and the apartment feels even colder than usual. There are about half a dozen different blankets on the bed, and he's still freezing.

"C'mon, scoot over," Bucky says, unbuttoning his pants.

"What are you doing?

"You're cold," he says, throwing his shirt to the floor. "You need heat."

"I'm not cold."

"You're shivering," he says. "Make space, or I'll end up crushing you."

They lie on their sidea. Bucky plasters himself against Steve's back, catching Steve's legs in between his own. He plants a hand on Steve's chest to make sure he doesn't move. It's warmer now, sure, but Steve's not sure he's going to be able to fall asleep like this. Bucky, on the other hand, doesn't seem to have the same problem, because he starts snoring a few minutes later. Steve tries to wiggle out of his grip, but Bucky pulls him even closer, making a content noise as he rubs his face in the crook of Steve's neck.

He hates being treated like this — like he's made of glass, always on the verge of breaking — but he doesn't hate it as much when this kind of attention comes from Bucky. Or well, not right this moment... He only wishes he had something to give back. Not that he thinks Bucky is interested in him like he's interested in Bucky.

That is a secret he's been keeping inside himself for a long, long time. If he released it right now, Bucky wouldn't even hear him, and he would finally know how the words feel on his tongue. But what if he liked their taste?

#### 2\. Brooklyn, 1942

The first time he sees Bucky in his uniform, Steve feels a coldness in his chest, and he's certain that he hates Bucky, even if he doesn't know why.

Maybe it's because Bucky is everything that Steve will never be, and sometimes it feels like he knows it, and acts like he pities Steve, like he owes him something. Maybe it's because he hates the thought of being left behind, of being unable to follow Bucky, of being so damn dependent from him. Maybe—

The revelation hits him, and his mouth dries up. Maybe, it's not hate he's feeling, after all.

#### 3\. Azzano, 1943

They're back at the camp, and Bucky is asleep inside a tent. He's pale, and way skinnier than he was the last time Steve saw him. He's still beautiful, though, but that's not something that he thinks will ever change. Steve wonders if this is how Bucky felt all those years he spent looking after him, if he also felt this anxiety buzzing under his skin, this sense of impotence chaining him down.

"That was not a dream, then," Bucky says as soon as he opens his eyes. "What happened?"

Steve makes himself laughs and starts talking. He had made promise to himself, and now he's unable to keep it. But he'll tell him, one day — when they're one-hundred years old, maybe.

 

#### 4\. Washington DC, 2014

In a moment of folly, he almost says it. And then he falls.

 

#### 5\. Siberia, 2016

The elevator is slowly descending into darkness, and Bucky is right there in front of him, and he's Bucky, _his_ Bucky. It's now or never, he thinks. The words are about to come out of his mouth and—

"I love you," Bucky says. He whispers it, but the sound is deafening.

Steve takes a step backwards, completely speechless, and then, the door opens.

#### +1. Wakanda, 2017

It's Bucky's birthday — his one-hundredth birthday — and he's spending it like they've both spent most of them: alone, under a thick coat of ice.

The worst thing about all this is how resigned he was to the whole thing, how easily he accepted that he had to go back into cryo, how peaceful he looks into the cylindrical cell. How many times did _they_ do this to him? Enough to make it seem normal?

Steve presses a hand on the glass, just above Bucky's heart. He wishes he could touch him, more than anything in the world. He wishes he could rip the door of the cell open and touch him, breathe in his smell, feel his warmth. If he was given the chance, he would even—

He takes a deep breath, and lets the salty tears run down his cheeks. Once upon a time, Bucky took care of him, and Steve wished he could find a way to pay him back; now that Bucky needs him, this is the best he can do.

"Happy birthday, Buck," he says, and watches the words condensing on the glass that separates them. "I love you."

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you have questions or just want to say hi you can find me on [tumblr.](http://florencedrunk.tumblr.com)


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